I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
