so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
