You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
