I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
