I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize