A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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