Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
