well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
