Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
