I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
