Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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