im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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