omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
