I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
