I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sponge bath it is.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
