I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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