since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
