Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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