Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
