ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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