i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
