When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
