just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
