but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize