ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
