so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
