i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
