Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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