I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
