i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
