so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
