oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
