hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
