Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
