dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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