Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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