So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
