I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
