At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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