Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
