her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
