My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
