omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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