I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize