did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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