ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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