I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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