i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
