I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
