Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A bitchslap is in order.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
