We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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