two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
