He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
