your parents love me but you hate me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
