there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
