Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
