Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize