She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
