i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
