there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
