Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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