he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
