Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
