Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wish there were birth control emojis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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