Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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