you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
