You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
