she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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