Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
