someone threw a dead crab at me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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