i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
