I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
