Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
