these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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