I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
